Forgive me

I was chastised by my girlfriend for “not being funny.” She has a point. The internet was built for two things- porn and dicking off at work, and I have been offering neither. I mean, I’m offering porn, but not in a masturbatable way. I’m offering the potential for lots of porn, but not the immediate reality of it. All I have left is my charm and wit and my hyperbolic good looks, which I’m not showing to you due to the aforementioned “porn guy” thing.
I’m sorry.

I look forward to the pictures of the trades, though- me and you, hunched over in our trenchcoats, black bars over our eyes, maybe meeting on a seedy corner in the Tenderloin. Maybe in the drizzly fog. You’ll wonder if I’m an ugly old father-raper type, and I’ll be amazed at your faith in your love of porn. We won’t shake hands.

Awesome. Like a spy movie, but in the sweaty adult arcade section.

I’m looking forward to the next leg of the trade more than this one. If I get, for instance, a shotgun (hint: I’m accepting shotguns in trade), I think I’ll get more emails from less furtive people. I’m betting that the social stigma attached to a shotgun that may-or-may not have been used in a drive-by shooting is less than a bunch of still-packaged, brightly colored DVDs of pretty girls who need to wash their faces fast before their mouths get pregnant.

Speaking of girls, I’ve gotten a surprising number of girls who want this stuff. For instance, Jen offered me:

1) A boxing nun & 2) The original Nun-Chuck
(see attached pics for each)I don't have the packaging
for either, but I have all of the parts, pieces, etc. 

It seems appropriate to trade porn for nuns, don't you
think? And, whether you accept my offer or not, I do
believe the pile of naked, freaky goodness should goto a female. (Like me  

Unfortunately, I already have a Nun-chuck (and it’s still in the packaging, because I still haven’t figured out what the correct thing to chuck a nun at is). Jen’s comment about getting the porn to a woman is one I’ve heard a few times now. I don’t know if they actualy want it for diabolical girl-reasons, or if they’re simply scared that it’ll go off in some guy’s hand, but I’m interested. What makes girls want porn? And why haven’t they been the ones to offer me oral?